The State University of Odessa. Late 1980-s. Department of Romance and Germanic Languages. And it means that only five or six rooms out of 50 were occupied by males. I should mention, that this ratio 1:10 really interfered with men’s concentration upon their studies.
I shared my room with a guy from Kiev, Ukraine, Semen Binder. The name speaks for itself. But he has now complexes about his ehtnicity and loved telling us and listening to various stories and anecdotes about Jews. By the way, one author complained of his poor fate that made him emigrate from Ukraine to Russia just to study. Bullshit! There were lots of Jews in our university, and as long as the action took place in Odessa, every inhabitant could be automatically called Jewish.
Well. In one of the rooms draught slammed the door, having left girls living there outside and their keys inside. Girls were wearing dressing gowns and slippers. Getting back into the room through the window posed a certain problem, as it was the fifth floor. Although one of the roommates had another key, she had gone to her town and was coming back only the next day. The only way out was to break the door. But how could delicate girls do that?! They turned to us for help, and we delegate Senya to them. First, he’s about 2 meters high and weights about 90 kilos. Second, his wife-to-be was living in that room.
We took our seats in the first row to be able to advise, but… we had no chance.
Senya runs and… having approached the door jumps up. The show is not for the nervous. Just imagine the body, 90 kilos, in its flight crashing with its head into the door jamb. The head rebounds like a billiard ball, while the body continues its movement, finally knocking out the door. Then everything falls to the ground: The door, Senya’s body, and what has left of his head. Anyway that’s what we were thinking at that moment.
But why does one want to laugh in situations like that?! We’re laughing like crazy, understanding though that something serious has happened. Then we hear the sound of another body falling: One of the girl fainted at the sight of blood. As she admitted later she had seen not only blood, but also brains. Whom should we bring round first?
Luckily, everything turned out all right. Senya got off cheap, with a broken head, a big bump and a slight concussion. But the funniest thing was that in 15 minutes there came the roommate who was to go home and brought the second key.
It turned out that she failed to buy a bus ticket and had to come back.
Humor And Funny Stuff
There is a general belief that writing funny stuff comes naturally to some. Funny people have a gene, a natural gift which can't be produced by learning 'techniques'. This may be true but there are definitely some tips that can make one sound funny!
Humor Is Based On Possibility
Humor is a point of view and an approach that almost everyone has as a child. There are several times when one reads some funny stuff, laughs and says, "That is SO true" and a lot of times it is. Humor can be based on truth of what can be or what is.
Use Of Strange Characters
Choosing funny names for characters and experimenting with more than just ordinary people can make a script or a piece of writing sound really funny. A writer can use motifs like aliens, super-humans, inanimate things coming to life, or even animals.
Copy And Paste Jokes
If running out of material, a writer can copy jokes from a random email which is going around. For instance, a joke on the difference between how women and men drive. Even if people have read this numerous times, it will still tickle their funny bone. Similarly jokes around Clothing Stuff, online stuff, and family stuff can also draw out big laughter.
Break The Rules
A writer writing funny stuff should not feel obligated to follow proper grammar and spellings. The aim of crazy stuff is to make people laugh and not to improve their English.
Always End The Piece On A Positive Note
Laughter or funny stuff is about being positive. People love it when they read something that ends on a happy note. Hence, give them that.
Writer Should Write About Something S/he Knows
It is equally important to be knowledgeable about one's subject to make its presentation appear amusing and funny to others. This is important because what one knows permits them to make use of excruciating facts that can make even the most boring of things sound interesting and hilarious.
Talk About Things That People Like To Joke About
The most favorite topics in general are annoying bosses or frustrating ex's. These things, besides stupid stuff, always stir up a lot of interest and are normally successful in tickling the reader's funny bone.
Be Original
A writer should never try to copy other people's style. It's important to be original and have one's own strange view of things. The reason why actors like Jim Carrey or Robin Williams are so funny is because they have originality to them.
Don't Analyze Too Much
Trying to explain why something is funny is not funny at all. Hence, it is best not to analyze what one writes.
The best way of understanding humor is to find out why people start laughing when they are tickled physically. Some might say it feels funny or maybe, because some nerve gets stimulated in the process.
However, another explanation (which makes more sense here) is that people are unable to tickle themselves. They feel frustrated, helpless and confused in a way that they react by laughing to release anxiety. People like things to be controllable, comfortable, and predictable. The unusual, overstated, or unexpected thing is intimidating and uncomfortable. And a lot of times using this fact to create funny stuff can help make a great piece of writing.
Forms Of Funny Stuff And Writing Tips For Them
Writing funny stuff for online viewing, or otherwise, is an art. What may seem funny to us might not strike a similar cord with readers. Trying too hard could actually make your work appear like some crazy stuff, which might not go down very well with the target audience. Writing online stuff is perhaps even trickier than creating print content. The net surfer is typically impatient. He skips from one content to the other, in no time. Therefore, you need to be really good to keep him glued to your content.
Various Forms Of Funny Stuff
Funny stuff can be enjoyed in various forms. Different forms strike a cord with different people. Some of the popular forms include:
* Funny movie stuff which provides hearty laughs is a popular form.
* Book stuff, which boasts of impressive yet hilarious content, is also quite widely accessed.
* Amusing video stuff, which incorporates famous gags, has been successfully enlivening the spirits of viewers for ages.
* Stand-up comedy is another popular genre which has experienced its share of ups and downs.
* Jokes on the internet, or just stuff related to funny incidences posted on the web, have also amused surfers pretty much.
* Blogs, posts, or articles which incorporate a humorous undertone with a strong message have been widely accepted too.
With people turning to the internet for everything, including computer stuff, shopping stuff, clothing stuff, home stuff, and even love stuff, creating online content will probably guarantee maximum exposure.
Useful Tips For Creating Funny Stuff
Online content meant to be funny can be easily discarded as purely stupid stuff. Adopting the right style for creating them is important. Some useful tips include the following:
* Include some good jokes. They could be about some soft stuff like emotions, or just about anything under the sun. There are posts which are completely devoid of jokes and one-liners. All they do is stretch an idea which seems funny according to them. The result is a boring piece of work.
* A smart thing to do is to use at least a couple of jokes as pointers. Use one as an introduction and the other toward the end of your post. Try and create a near-sane narrative which links both. If they are completely unrelated jokes, creating a link between them could be fun.
* What you have at hand should be an interesting piece, provided you have not used any cheap stuff. Also, ending your stuff with a joke is not a great idea. For a lingering impact, you need to add a conclusion which could be a reference to the first joke or anything else.
* The jokes may be related to any idea, but they should not seem to be forced. The connection between them should be developed subtly and the transitions must seem effortless and smooth. Also, do not fluff your piece with unnecessary detailing, which might seem pointless and garrulous.
If you are looking to gather some comprehensive information on funny stuff or just E stuff of any kind, visiting http://www.justestuff.com is a great idea. You can access some detailed and well-researched facts here.
Have fun getting yourself out of debt
There was a point in my life when I was twelve credit card debt consolidation in my wallet. This is so far away that in normal use to be back, I was crazy. My debt free is out of hand in a large way. I made payments on time, but most months I could only afford the minimum due. Paying the minimum is exactly what companies, credit card, I want to make, because this is not your principle balance. I was basically just to pay those earnings. Minimum monthly payments only cover the interest accumulated over the last payment period, and although it seems quite accessible, less than a hundred a month, the reality is that they are not.
One of the easiest ways, well, OK, it’s never easy to get yourself from debt; one of the smartest ways to get your debt to manageable levels is to consolidate. Consolidating your credit card, which consists of the second loan and use the money to pay off all your cards? You can do this in several ways, but the best way to describe the debt consolidation loan or a credit card without interest. The consolidation loan is probably the better way, not because most credit card interest, the time limit. Consolidation loan will be interest, but will probably be less than the total interest you will pay for several credit cards. No interest credit card, will normally only have interest for a specified period after which interest will be applied to your principle balance and get out of debt.
Based on your financial situation, which is how fast you can pay another loan, no credit card interest may be less costly way. If you can pay off the total interest kicks in before the course, you will save money. Failing this, the consolidation loan is a way. Many of loaning institutions, including banks have special loans just for consolidating credit card debt.
There are many online debt consolidation lenders to the same treatment. Search online for a loan can be intimidating because there are so many websites competing for your business. This is a good thing, because you will find a lot of business because of fierce competition. On the other hand, the shear volume of these companies makes it easy for criminals to establish confidence in the trade and send droves of competing websites. This will always be safe to go with the larger more well-known lending institution can find a lot of the newer companies trying to get their foot in the door.
Just do not forget that there is actual fraud out there, and always thoroughly investigate the lending companies and their offers. You can do this by putting it explores the Better Business Bureau. Another good idea for the little-known lenders, the exploration of its place in the whois.com, find out how old the website is, if the relatively new, say a month, very careful.
One of the easiest ways, well, OK, it’s never easy to get yourself from debt; one of the smartest ways to get your debt to manageable levels is to consolidate. Consolidating your credit card, which consists of the second loan and use the money to pay off all your cards? You can do this in several ways, but the best way to describe the debt consolidation loan or a credit card without interest. The consolidation loan is probably the better way, not because most credit card interest, the time limit. Consolidation loan will be interest, but will probably be less than the total interest you will pay for several credit cards. No interest credit card, will normally only have interest for a specified period after which interest will be applied to your principle balance and get out of debt.
Based on your financial situation, which is how fast you can pay another loan, no credit card interest may be less costly way. If you can pay off the total interest kicks in before the course, you will save money. Failing this, the consolidation loan is a way. Many of loaning institutions, including banks have special loans just for consolidating credit card debt.
There are many online debt consolidation lenders to the same treatment. Search online for a loan can be intimidating because there are so many websites competing for your business. This is a good thing, because you will find a lot of business because of fierce competition. On the other hand, the shear volume of these companies makes it easy for criminals to establish confidence in the trade and send droves of competing websites. This will always be safe to go with the larger more well-known lending institution can find a lot of the newer companies trying to get their foot in the door.
Just do not forget that there is actual fraud out there, and always thoroughly investigate the lending companies and their offers. You can do this by putting it explores the Better Business Bureau. Another good idea for the little-known lenders, the exploration of its place in the whois.com, find out how old the website is, if the relatively new, say a month, very careful.
7 JOKES ABOUT EMPLOYEES YOU WISH YOU DIDN’T HEAR
Every manager hired some employees they wish they never hired. To make light of – and also put light on – hiring losers, I now give you a special gift:
a. Jokes about types of employees you wish you never hired
b. Solutions: Methods you can use – so you avoid hiring such creeps
Solutions include pre-employment tests, special interview tips and more to help you stop putting lousy employees on your company’s payroll.
LAZY
Joke #1 = Some employees are so lazy . . . even if they have a work-from-home job, they still get to work late.
Solution: Use a pre-employment test that measures Work Ethic. If an applicant scores low on the test’s Work Ethic scale, then you need to find someone with more gumption and industriousness.
DUMB
Joke #2 = Some employees are so stupid . . . when they find out they can apply for other jobs online, they ask, “Where does the line start?”
Admit it: You hired some employees who have the IQ of room temperature.
You create expensive problems when you hire employees who are not smart enough for the job. They find it hard or impossible to (a) learn the job and (2) correctly solve problems encountered on-the-job.
Solution: Pre-employment tests of mental or cognitive abilities helps you hire people who are smart enough to learn and handle a job. Mental abilities tests help you measure brainpower abilities, such as
* Problem-Solving
* Vocabulary
* Arithmetic
* Grammar
* Handling Small Details
Importantly, you need to determine specific “benchmark scores” you need for each job. You do this by conducting a “benchmarking study.” Have your best employees take the mental abilities pre-employment tests. From that, you discover the test scores they get. Then, you can prefer hiring applicants who get pre-employment test scores similar to your best employees.
NASTY & MEAN
Joke #3 = Some employees are so mean . . . they would make monks curse.
Solution: A pre-employment test that forecasts behavior on-the-job can help you avoid hiring nasty and wicked people. Mean people may get horribly high scores on certain pre-employment test scales:
* Aggressiveness
* Excitable
* Power Motivation
So, if an applicant gets high scores on those pre-employment test scales, you may want to find a better, nicer applicant.
CRIMINALS
Joke #4 = Some employees are such criminals . . . they ask you to call them by their nickname – which is two letters – “JL.”
Solution: A pre-employment test forecasting potential criminal behavior may help you avoid hiring unsavory characters. Using a dependability pre-employment test, beware when you test an applicant, and the applicant gets “high-risk” or bad scores on these two test scales:
* Theft/Stealing concerns
* Substance Abuse concerns
For example, one pre-employment test I researched and created has those two scales, along with three other scales. To research and develop the Theft/Stealing scale, hundreds of prisoners locked-up in jails – convicted of stealing crimes – filled-out my research questionnaires. For the test’s Substance Abuse scale, hundreds of people convicted of DUI and/or drug possession answered my research questionnaires. Also, hundreds of non-thieves and non-substance abusers answer my research questionnaires – to serve as comparison groups.
From that huge research project, I discovered specific questions convicted thieves or substance abusers answered statistically significantly differently then non-thieves or non-substance abusers.
That pre-employment test includes questions that help you differentiate (a) criminals from non-criminals and also (b) substance abusers from non-substance abusers.
Make sure you hire people who are unlikely to be thieves or substance abusers.
CRAZY
Joke #5 = Some employees are so crazy . . . even their imaginary friends won’t play with them.
Solution: Pre-employment tests do not predict if an applicant is mentally ill. Fortunately, a behavior pre-employment test tells if an applicant may have work-related “personality problems” that result in the person being a difficult employee.
For example, I notice people with unpleasant work-related personality quirks often score the following on a behavior pre-employment test:
* Low score on Subjective Reaction to Pressure – a whiner
* Pessimistic – down-in-the-dumps and low confidence
* Highly Excitable – do not light a match near them
If the applicant also scores high on the pre-employment test’s Aggressiveness scale, then you should avoid that job candidate like a plague.
UNHEALTHY
Joke # 6 = Some employees are so unhealthy . . . when they go to a club they order gravy-on-the-rocks.
O.K. You’re not supposed to take health matters into account when hiring. Instead, you need to focus on hiring people who can do the job.
But, then your company complains about healthcare costs.
Q = Who rings up a lot of your company’s healthcare costs?
A = Employees who lead unhealthy lifestyles.
“Wellness programs” are popping up in companies – to help employees transform their unhealthy lifestyles into healthy lifestyles. If your company might need a wellness program, ask yourself if the reason is because it hired many people who have unhealthy lifestyles, resulting in huge healthcare costs.
Solution: Of course, follow employment rules and guidelines. But, if you have an applicant who oozes unhealthy attributes, then you might see if you can find another qualified applicant who does not look like death warmed over. Then, you decide which one you hire.
CHEAP
Joke #7 = Some employees are so cheap . . . they chase garbage trucks with their shopping lists.
This is a huge problem: Some managers feel thrilled buying cheap products or services. But they do not weigh the cheap cost versus the product’s or service’s quality and actual results. As you know, cheap seldom equals quality.
Before starting my consulting firm, I was a corporate manager at a big company. We described such cheap managers using this put-down: “Some managers feel thrilled to save a nickel – but, in the outcome, they waste a quarter.’
Solution: In the job interview, ask for examples of purchasing decisions the manager candidate made. Probe how they made buying decisions. Did the candidate (A) focus on buying the cheapest items or (B) analyze the quality of the product or service obtained for the cost involved? Avoid hiring managers who pride themselves in doing (A) – but show little or no regard for (B).
RECOMMENDATION – for YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO HIRE THE BEST
Pre-employment tests and certain job interview methods help you avoid hiring people who are lazy, dumb, act wacky, or have other unwanted characteristics.
Yes, I realize I made jokes about many types of employees you wish you did not hire. The jokes are funny. But, you never find it humorous dealing with lousy employees.
So, use pre-employment tests and careful job interviewing to make sure you avoid hiring clowns.
a. Jokes about types of employees you wish you never hired
b. Solutions: Methods you can use – so you avoid hiring such creeps
Solutions include pre-employment tests, special interview tips and more to help you stop putting lousy employees on your company’s payroll.
LAZY
Joke #1 = Some employees are so lazy . . . even if they have a work-from-home job, they still get to work late.
Solution: Use a pre-employment test that measures Work Ethic. If an applicant scores low on the test’s Work Ethic scale, then you need to find someone with more gumption and industriousness.
DUMB
Joke #2 = Some employees are so stupid . . . when they find out they can apply for other jobs online, they ask, “Where does the line start?”
Admit it: You hired some employees who have the IQ of room temperature.
You create expensive problems when you hire employees who are not smart enough for the job. They find it hard or impossible to (a) learn the job and (2) correctly solve problems encountered on-the-job.
Solution: Pre-employment tests of mental or cognitive abilities helps you hire people who are smart enough to learn and handle a job. Mental abilities tests help you measure brainpower abilities, such as
* Problem-Solving
* Vocabulary
* Arithmetic
* Grammar
* Handling Small Details
Importantly, you need to determine specific “benchmark scores” you need for each job. You do this by conducting a “benchmarking study.” Have your best employees take the mental abilities pre-employment tests. From that, you discover the test scores they get. Then, you can prefer hiring applicants who get pre-employment test scores similar to your best employees.
NASTY & MEAN
Joke #3 = Some employees are so mean . . . they would make monks curse.
Solution: A pre-employment test that forecasts behavior on-the-job can help you avoid hiring nasty and wicked people. Mean people may get horribly high scores on certain pre-employment test scales:
* Aggressiveness
* Excitable
* Power Motivation
So, if an applicant gets high scores on those pre-employment test scales, you may want to find a better, nicer applicant.
CRIMINALS
Joke #4 = Some employees are such criminals . . . they ask you to call them by their nickname – which is two letters – “JL.”
Solution: A pre-employment test forecasting potential criminal behavior may help you avoid hiring unsavory characters. Using a dependability pre-employment test, beware when you test an applicant, and the applicant gets “high-risk” or bad scores on these two test scales:
* Theft/Stealing concerns
* Substance Abuse concerns
For example, one pre-employment test I researched and created has those two scales, along with three other scales. To research and develop the Theft/Stealing scale, hundreds of prisoners locked-up in jails – convicted of stealing crimes – filled-out my research questionnaires. For the test’s Substance Abuse scale, hundreds of people convicted of DUI and/or drug possession answered my research questionnaires. Also, hundreds of non-thieves and non-substance abusers answer my research questionnaires – to serve as comparison groups.
From that huge research project, I discovered specific questions convicted thieves or substance abusers answered statistically significantly differently then non-thieves or non-substance abusers.
That pre-employment test includes questions that help you differentiate (a) criminals from non-criminals and also (b) substance abusers from non-substance abusers.
Make sure you hire people who are unlikely to be thieves or substance abusers.
CRAZY
Joke #5 = Some employees are so crazy . . . even their imaginary friends won’t play with them.
Solution: Pre-employment tests do not predict if an applicant is mentally ill. Fortunately, a behavior pre-employment test tells if an applicant may have work-related “personality problems” that result in the person being a difficult employee.
For example, I notice people with unpleasant work-related personality quirks often score the following on a behavior pre-employment test:
* Low score on Subjective Reaction to Pressure – a whiner
* Pessimistic – down-in-the-dumps and low confidence
* Highly Excitable – do not light a match near them
If the applicant also scores high on the pre-employment test’s Aggressiveness scale, then you should avoid that job candidate like a plague.
UNHEALTHY
Joke # 6 = Some employees are so unhealthy . . . when they go to a club they order gravy-on-the-rocks.
O.K. You’re not supposed to take health matters into account when hiring. Instead, you need to focus on hiring people who can do the job.
But, then your company complains about healthcare costs.
Q = Who rings up a lot of your company’s healthcare costs?
A = Employees who lead unhealthy lifestyles.
“Wellness programs” are popping up in companies – to help employees transform their unhealthy lifestyles into healthy lifestyles. If your company might need a wellness program, ask yourself if the reason is because it hired many people who have unhealthy lifestyles, resulting in huge healthcare costs.
Solution: Of course, follow employment rules and guidelines. But, if you have an applicant who oozes unhealthy attributes, then you might see if you can find another qualified applicant who does not look like death warmed over. Then, you decide which one you hire.
CHEAP
Joke #7 = Some employees are so cheap . . . they chase garbage trucks with their shopping lists.
This is a huge problem: Some managers feel thrilled buying cheap products or services. But they do not weigh the cheap cost versus the product’s or service’s quality and actual results. As you know, cheap seldom equals quality.
Before starting my consulting firm, I was a corporate manager at a big company. We described such cheap managers using this put-down: “Some managers feel thrilled to save a nickel – but, in the outcome, they waste a quarter.’
Solution: In the job interview, ask for examples of purchasing decisions the manager candidate made. Probe how they made buying decisions. Did the candidate (A) focus on buying the cheapest items or (B) analyze the quality of the product or service obtained for the cost involved? Avoid hiring managers who pride themselves in doing (A) – but show little or no regard for (B).
RECOMMENDATION – for YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO HIRE THE BEST
Pre-employment tests and certain job interview methods help you avoid hiring people who are lazy, dumb, act wacky, or have other unwanted characteristics.
Yes, I realize I made jokes about many types of employees you wish you did not hire. The jokes are funny. But, you never find it humorous dealing with lousy employees.
So, use pre-employment tests and careful job interviewing to make sure you avoid hiring clowns.
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