FUNda Land

Crazy student hostel

2011-01-19T12:11:00.000-08:00

The State University of Odessa. Late 1980-s. Department of Romance and Germanic Languages. And it means that only five or six rooms out of 50 were occupied by males. I should mention, that this ratio 1:10 really interfered with men’s concentration upon their studies.

I shared my room with a guy from Kiev, Ukraine, Semen Binder. The name speaks for itself. But he has now complexes about his ehtnicity and loved telling us and listening to various stories and anecdotes about Jews. By the way, one author complained of his poor fate that made him emigrate from Ukraine to Russia just to study. Bullshit! There were lots of Jews in our university, and as long as the action took place in Odessa, every inhabitant could be automatically called Jewish.

Well. In one of the rooms draught slammed the door, having left girls living there outside and their keys inside. Girls were wearing dressing gowns and slippers. Getting back into the room through the window posed a certain problem, as it was the fifth floor. Although one of the roommates had another key, she had gone to her town and was coming back only the next day. The only way out was to break the door. But how could delicate girls do that?! They turned to us for help, and we delegate Senya to them. First, he’s about 2 meters high and weights about 90 kilos. Second, his wife-to-be was living in that room.

We took our seats in the first row to be able to advise, but… we had no chance.

Senya runs and… having approached the door jumps up. The show is not for the nervous. Just imagine the body, 90 kilos, in its flight crashing with its head into the door jamb. The head rebounds like a billiard ball, while the body continues its movement, finally knocking out the door. Then everything falls to the ground: The door, Senya’s body, and what has left of his head. Anyway that’s what we were thinking at that moment.

But why does one want to laugh in situations like that?! We’re laughing like crazy, understanding though that something serious has happened. Then we hear the sound of another body falling: One of the girl fainted at the sight of blood. As she admitted later she had seen not only blood, but also brains. Whom should we bring round first?

Luckily, everything turned out all right. Senya got off cheap, with a broken head, a big bump and a slight concussion. But the funniest thing was that in 15 minutes there came the roommate who was to go home and brought the second key.

It turned out that she failed to buy a bus ticket and had to come back.

Humor And Funny Stuff

2010-11-14T10:12:00.001-08:00

There is a general belief that writing funny stuff comes naturally to some. Funny people have a gene, a natural gift which can't be produced by learning 'techniques'. This may be true but there are definitely some tips that can make one sound funny!

Humor Is Based On Possibility

Humor is a point of view and an approach that almost everyone has as a child. There are several times when one reads some funny stuff, laughs and says, "That is SO true" and a lot of times it is. Humor can be based on truth of what can be or what is.

Use Of Strange Characters

Choosing funny names for characters and experimenting with more than just ordinary people can make a script or a piece of writing sound really funny. A writer can use motifs like aliens, super-humans, inanimate things coming to life, or even animals.

Copy And Paste Jokes

If running out of material, a writer can copy jokes from a random email which is going around. For instance, a joke on the difference between how women and men drive. Even if people have read this numerous times, it will still tickle their funny bone. Similarly jokes around Clothing Stuff, online stuff, and family stuff can also draw out big laughter.

Break The Rules

A writer writing funny stuff should not feel obligated to follow proper grammar and spellings. The aim of crazy stuff is to make people laugh and not to improve their English.

Always End The Piece On A Positive Note

Laughter or funny stuff is about being positive. People love it when they read something that ends on a happy note. Hence, give them that.

Writer Should Write About Something S/he Knows

It is equally important to be knowledgeable about one's subject to make its presentation appear amusing and funny to others. This is important because what one knows permits them to make use of excruciating facts that can make even the most boring of things sound interesting and hilarious.

Talk About Things That People Like To Joke About

The most favorite topics in general are annoying bosses or frustrating ex's. These things, besides stupid stuff, always stir up a lot of interest and are normally successful in tickling the reader's funny bone.

Be Original

A writer should never try to copy other people's style. It's important to be original and have one's own strange view of things. The reason why actors like Jim Carrey or Robin Williams are so funny is because they have originality to them.

Don't Analyze Too Much

Trying to explain why something is funny is not funny at all. Hence, it is best not to analyze what one writes.

The best way of understanding humor is to find out why people start laughing when they are tickled physically. Some might say it feels funny or maybe, because some nerve gets stimulated in the process.

However, another explanation (which makes more sense here) is that people are unable to tickle themselves. They feel frustrated, helpless and confused in a way that they react by laughing to release anxiety. People like things to be controllable, comfortable, and predictable. The unusual, overstated, or unexpected thing is intimidating and uncomfortable. And a lot of times using this fact to create funny stuff can help make a great piece of writing.

Forms Of Funny Stuff And Writing Tips For Them

2010-11-14T10:11:00.001-08:00

Writing funny stuff for online viewing, or otherwise, is an art. What may seem funny to us might not strike a similar cord with readers. Trying too hard could actually make your work appear like some crazy stuff, which might not go down very well with the target audience. Writing online stuff is perhaps even trickier than creating print content. The net surfer is typically impatient. He skips from one content to the other, in no time. Therefore, you need to be really good to keep him glued to your content.

Various Forms Of Funny Stuff

Funny stuff can be enjoyed in various forms. Different forms strike a cord with different people. Some of the popular forms include:

* Funny movie stuff which provides hearty laughs is a popular form.
* Book stuff, which boasts of impressive yet hilarious content, is also quite widely accessed.
* Amusing video stuff, which incorporates famous gags, has been successfully enlivening the spirits of viewers for ages.
* Stand-up comedy is another popular genre which has experienced its share of ups and downs.
* Jokes on the internet, or just stuff related to funny incidences posted on the web, have also amused surfers pretty much.
* Blogs, posts, or articles which incorporate a humorous undertone with a strong message have been widely accepted too.

With people turning to the internet for everything, including computer stuff, shopping stuff, clothing stuff, home stuff, and even love stuff, creating online content will probably guarantee maximum exposure.

Useful Tips For Creating Funny Stuff

Online content meant to be funny can be easily discarded as purely stupid stuff. Adopting the right style for creating them is important. Some useful tips include the following:

* Include some good jokes. They could be about some soft stuff like emotions, or just about anything under the sun. There are posts which are completely devoid of jokes and one-liners. All they do is stretch an idea which seems funny according to them. The result is a boring piece of work.
* A smart thing to do is to use at least a couple of jokes as pointers. Use one as an introduction and the other toward the end of your post. Try and create a near-sane narrative which links both. If they are completely unrelated jokes, creating a link between them could be fun.
* What you have at hand should be an interesting piece, provided you have not used any cheap stuff. Also, ending your stuff with a joke is not a great idea. For a lingering impact, you need to add a conclusion which could be a reference to the first joke or anything else.
* The jokes may be related to any idea, but they should not seem to be forced. The connection between them should be developed subtly and the transitions must seem effortless and smooth. Also, do not fluff your piece with unnecessary detailing, which might seem pointless and garrulous.

If you are looking to gather some comprehensive information on funny stuff or just E stuff of any kind, visiting http://www.justestuff.com is a great idea. You can access some detailed and well-researched facts here.

Have fun getting yourself out of debt

2010-05-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

There was a point in my life when I was twelve credit card debt consolidation in my wallet. This is so far away that in normal use to be back, I was crazy. My debt free is out of hand in a large way. I made payments on time, but most months I could only afford the minimum due. Paying the minimum is exactly what companies, credit card, I want to make, because this is not your principle balance. I was basically just to pay those earnings. Minimum monthly payments only cover the interest accumulated over the last payment period, and although it seems quite accessible, less than a hundred a month, the reality is that they are not.

One of the easiest ways, well, OK, it’s never easy to get yourself from debt; one of the smartest ways to get your debt to manageable levels is to consolidate. Consolidating your credit card, which consists of the second loan and use the money to pay off all your cards? You can do this in several ways, but the best way to describe the debt consolidation loan or a credit card without interest. The consolidation loan is probably the better way, not because most credit card interest, the time limit. Consolidation loan will be interest, but will probably be less than the total interest you will pay for several credit cards. No interest credit card, will normally only have interest for a specified period after which interest will be applied to your principle balance and get out of debt.

Based on your financial situation, which is how fast you can pay another loan, no credit card interest may be less costly way. If you can pay off the total interest kicks in before the course, you will save money. Failing this, the consolidation loan is a way. Many of loaning institutions, including banks have special loans just for consolidating credit card debt.

There are many online debt consolidation lenders to the same treatment. Search online for a loan can be intimidating because there are so many websites competing for your business. This is a good thing, because you will find a lot of business because of fierce competition. On the other hand, the shear volume of these companies makes it easy for criminals to establish confidence in the trade and send droves of competing websites. This will always be safe to go with the larger more well-known lending institution can find a lot of the newer companies trying to get their foot in the door.

Just do not forget that there is actual fraud out there, and always thoroughly investigate the lending companies and their offers. You can do this by putting it explores the Better Business Bureau. Another good idea for the little-known lenders, the exploration of its place in the whois.com, find out how old the website is, if the relatively new, say a month, very careful.

Oink Oink Homiez :D

2010-04-15T05:11:00.000-07:00

WAZZZZZZUP!!!!

Soooo dizzzzzzy :)

2010-04-01T14:40:00.000-07:00

My Motivation

2010-02-28T08:32:00.000-08:00

Funny Cartoons

2010-02-19T06:20:00.000-08:00

7 JOKES ABOUT EMPLOYEES YOU WISH YOU DIDN’T HEAR

2010-01-31T03:20:00.000-08:00

Every manager hired some employees they wish they never hired. To make light of – and also put light on – hiring losers, I now give you a special gift:
a. Jokes about types of employees you wish you never hired
b. Solutions: Methods you can use – so you avoid hiring such creeps

Solutions include pre-employment tests, special interview tips and more to help you stop putting lousy employees on your company’s payroll.

LAZY
Joke #1 = Some employees are so lazy . . . even if they have a work-from-home job, they still get to work late.

Solution: Use a pre-employment test that measures Work Ethic. If an applicant scores low on the test’s Work Ethic scale, then you need to find someone with more gumption and industriousness.

DUMB
Joke #2 = Some employees are so stupid . . . when they find out they can apply for other jobs online, they ask, “Where does the line start?”

Admit it: You hired some employees who have the IQ of room temperature.

You create expensive problems when you hire employees who are not smart enough for the job. They find it hard or impossible to (a) learn the job and (2) correctly solve problems encountered on-the-job.

Solution: Pre-employment tests of mental or cognitive abilities helps you hire people who are smart enough to learn and handle a job. Mental abilities tests help you measure brainpower abilities, such as
* Problem-Solving
* Vocabulary
* Arithmetic
* Grammar
* Handling Small Details

Importantly, you need to determine specific “benchmark scores” you need for each job. You do this by conducting a “benchmarking study.” Have your best employees take the mental abilities pre-employment tests. From that, you discover the test scores they get. Then, you can prefer hiring applicants who get pre-employment test scores similar to your best employees.

NASTY & MEAN
Joke #3 = Some employees are so mean . . . they would make monks curse.

Solution: A pre-employment test that forecasts behavior on-the-job can help you avoid hiring nasty and wicked people. Mean people may get horribly high scores on certain pre-employment test scales:
* Aggressiveness
* Excitable
* Power Motivation

So, if an applicant gets high scores on those pre-employment test scales, you may want to find a better, nicer applicant.

CRIMINALS
Joke #4 = Some employees are such criminals . . . they ask you to call them by their nickname – which is two letters – “JL.”

Solution: A pre-employment test forecasting potential criminal behavior may help you avoid hiring unsavory characters. Using a dependability pre-employment test, beware when you test an applicant, and the applicant gets “high-risk” or bad scores on these two test scales:
* Theft/Stealing concerns
* Substance Abuse concerns

For example, one pre-employment test I researched and created has those two scales, along with three other scales. To research and develop the Theft/Stealing scale, hundreds of prisoners locked-up in jails – convicted of stealing crimes – filled-out my research questionnaires. For the test’s Substance Abuse scale, hundreds of people convicted of DUI and/or drug possession answered my research questionnaires. Also, hundreds of non-thieves and non-substance abusers answer my research questionnaires – to serve as comparison groups.

From that huge research project, I discovered specific questions convicted thieves or substance abusers answered statistically significantly differently then non-thieves or non-substance abusers.

That pre-employment test includes questions that help you differentiate (a) criminals from non-criminals and also (b) substance abusers from non-substance abusers.

Make sure you hire people who are unlikely to be thieves or substance abusers.

CRAZY
Joke #5 = Some employees are so crazy . . . even their imaginary friends won’t play with them.

Solution: Pre-employment tests do not predict if an applicant is mentally ill. Fortunately, a behavior pre-employment test tells if an applicant may have work-related “personality problems” that result in the person being a difficult employee.

For example, I notice people with unpleasant work-related personality quirks often score the following on a behavior pre-employment test:
* Low score on Subjective Reaction to Pressure – a whiner
* Pessimistic – down-in-the-dumps and low confidence
* Highly Excitable – do not light a match near them

If the applicant also scores high on the pre-employment test’s Aggressiveness scale, then you should avoid that job candidate like a plague.

UNHEALTHY
Joke # 6 = Some employees are so unhealthy . . . when they go to a club they order gravy-on-the-rocks.

O.K. You’re not supposed to take health matters into account when hiring. Instead, you need to focus on hiring people who can do the job.

But, then your company complains about healthcare costs.

Q = Who rings up a lot of your company’s healthcare costs?
A = Employees who lead unhealthy lifestyles.

“Wellness programs” are popping up in companies – to help employees transform their unhealthy lifestyles into healthy lifestyles. If your company might need a wellness program, ask yourself if the reason is because it hired many people who have unhealthy lifestyles, resulting in huge healthcare costs.

Solution: Of course, follow employment rules and guidelines. But, if you have an applicant who oozes unhealthy attributes, then you might see if you can find another qualified applicant who does not look like death warmed over. Then, you decide which one you hire.

CHEAP
Joke #7 = Some employees are so cheap . . . they chase garbage trucks with their shopping lists.

This is a huge problem: Some managers feel thrilled buying cheap products or services. But they do not weigh the cheap cost versus the product’s or service’s quality and actual results. As you know, cheap seldom equals quality.

Before starting my consulting firm, I was a corporate manager at a big company. We described such cheap managers using this put-down: “Some managers feel thrilled to save a nickel – but, in the outcome, they waste a quarter.’

Solution: In the job interview, ask for examples of purchasing decisions the manager candidate made. Probe how they made buying decisions. Did the candidate (A) focus on buying the cheapest items or (B) analyze the quality of the product or service obtained for the cost involved? Avoid hiring managers who pride themselves in doing (A) – but show little or no regard for (B).

RECOMMENDATION – for YOUR OPPORTUNITY TO HIRE THE BEST

Pre-employment tests and certain job interview methods help you avoid hiring people who are lazy, dumb, act wacky, or have other unwanted characteristics.

Yes, I realize I made jokes about many types of employees you wish you did not hire. The jokes are funny. But, you never find it humorous dealing with lousy employees.

So, use pre-employment tests and careful job interviewing to make sure you avoid hiring clowns.

Sexy Woman No. 9

2009-12-14T04:47:00.000-08:00

Sexy Woman No. 8

2009-12-09T04:39:00.000-08:00

Sexy Woman No. 7

2009-11-30T04:29:00.000-08:00

Sexy Woman No. 6

2009-11-23T03:59:00.000-08:00

Sexy Woman No. 5

2009-11-18T17:59:00.000-08:00

Sexy Woman No. 4

2009-11-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

Sexy Woman no. 3

2009-11-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

Sexiest Woman No. 2

2009-11-01T10:05:00.000-08:00

Sexiest Woman No.1

2009-10-27T07:11:00.000-07:00

Story Of Two Friends

2009-10-25T06:21:00.000-07:00

We grew apart
We drift away
N today we stand on separate ways
Ways that won’t meet
Ways that won’t cross
Ways that will take us further apart

The day u moved away
A part of me went away
It’s difficult to imagine life without u
Best buddies that we were
I really wish it was for forever….
I wanted it to never change

But now that we have gone separate ways
I think it was a certain fate
No matter what the bygones say
You are my best friend
And will always remain

Boobs

2009-10-21T05:35:00.001-07:00

Oh I wish I had boobs that would wobble
Mine just stay still in one place
In the breast hall of fame
You won't see my name
For my boobs there would be a disgrace

Sure boobs of my size have their merit
They're easy to fit with a bra
And when I go for a dip
You won't see one slip…out
They stay put…just where they are

And I'm not one to seek much attention
So you won't find me strutting about
In a boob tube that's trying
by gravity defying
to leave no room, not even for doubt

But I sure envy big breasted women
I've seen them at parties you know
With all confidence thrust
In their mighty big bust
Entrancing the men as they go

Though I've heard from a big bosomed buddy
That it's not all it's cracked up to be
She says in frustration
"Try to hold conversation
When there's only two things a guy sees"

Now if I paid a few grand to enlarge them
To, say thirty-six b or c
Would they still look so natural
And could I class them as collateral
Sorta like home improvements on me

Now I've not taken this boob thing just lightly
I've done quite a bit of research
As I try to keep abreast
In my mammary quest
I've found there's a bit to be learned

There's questions that need to be answered
Like cleavage, how wide and how deep
I can have nipples bigger
But somehow I figured
That could poke Sweetie's eye in his sleep

Oh, I wish I had boobs that were awesome
I'd buy a bright red bathing suit
On the beach I would run
In slow motion for fun
To show off my best attribute

Now don't think I'd just get them for vanity
There's much I'd aspire to do
I could feed many babies
When I was lactating
And for convenience, I could offer drive-thru

In a t-shirt I'd test air conditioning
They could 'see' if they had it too low
And if I stood outside
My breasts pumped up with pride
Police'd use me to stop traffic flow

Well you can see I've a lot to consider
For the big plunge, I need some more time
So I'll keep you updated
But for now they're just fated
To stay as they are for a while

And there's my sweetie who totally accepts me
For he loves each and every little…bit
He says "stay as you are
You're the most beautiful by far"
As he gazes into my eyes…not my tits

By Arcadia Flynn

childhood friends poem

2009-10-13T10:01:00.000-07:00

As childhood friends, we grew up together,
Swearing to be friends forever and ever.
Sometimes we would argue and fight,
Other times we would laugh and stay up all night.

We went from playing with games and toys,
To talking and dreaming about different boys.
My thoughts and feelings, to you I would confide,
Never having anything to hide.

Friends we do remain,
Things changing, and things staying the same.
To each other we still listen and share,
About each other, we will always care.

I Want to Buy That

2009-02-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner.

The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn't serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black.

The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn't serve blondes.

Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red.

Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time.

To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn't serve blondes.

The blonde asks the clerk, "How in the world do you know I am a blonde?"

The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,"That's not a TV -- it's a microwave!"

Medical Aid

2009-01-27T00:53:00.001-08:00

A wealthy hospital benefactor was being shown around the hospital.

During her tour she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating furiously.
"Oh my GOODNESS!" screamed the woman. "That's disgraceful! Why is he doing that?"

The doctor who was leading the tour calmly explained, "I'm very sorry that you were exposed to that, but this man has a serious condition where his testicles rapidly fill with semen, and if he doesn't do that at least five times a day, he'll be in extreme pain and his testicles could easily rupture."

Oh, well in that case, I guess it's okay," said the woman.

As they passed by the very next room, they saw a male patient laying in bed while a nurse performed oral sex on him. Again, the woman screamed, "Oh my GOODNESS! How can THAT be justified?

Again the doctor spoke very calmly: "Same illness, better medical aid."

Comics

2009-01-21T00:43:00.000-08:00

Superman was feeling bored after a long day of crime fighting and wanted
to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him.

A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a
few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman.

As a last resort, Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see
if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked
on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself: "I'm faster
than a speeding bullet.

I could be in there, have sex, and be out again before she knew what was
happening". So Superman did his Super Thing in a split-second and flew
off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said: "Did you hear
something? "

No" said the InvisibleMan, "but my ass hurts like hell!!"

Dirty Jokes

2009-01-13T08:56:00.001-08:00

An old man and his wife have gone to bed. After laying in bed for a few minutes the old man cut a fart and says “seven points.”

His wife rolls over and asks, “What in the world was that?”

The old man says, “Touchdown, I’m ahead 7 to nothing.”

A few minutes later the wife lets one go and says, “Touchdown, tie, score.”

After about ten minutes later he old man shits his pants and says, Touchdown game set match

Dont Mess With A Princess

2009-01-07T08:43:00.000-08:00

Dumb & Dumber

2009-01-05T08:07:00.000-08:00

Sherlock Holmes

2008-12-31T05:47:00.000-08:00

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some ------- has stolen our tent."

Not everything is FLAT in florida

2008-12-24T04:29:00.000-08:00

What Every MAN Wnats

2008-12-17T08:07:00.000-08:00

To view larger email...click here

A Happy Marriage

2008-12-10T01:18:00.000-08:00

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay , Jamaica . Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple" The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America ," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona , and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once." "We proceeded a little further and her horse stumbled again. Again my wife quietly said, "That's twice." We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time my wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead. I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that, are you *+%$**£" crazy!?" She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once." And from that moment..... " we have lived happily every after."

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

2008-12-09T07:28:00.000-08:00

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

Error Messages

2008-12-01T05:34:00.001-08:00

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2009:

* Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

* Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

*This will end your Windows session. Do you want to play another game?

*Windows message: “Error saving file! Format drive now? (Y/Y)”

*This is a message from God Gates: “Rebooting the world. Please log off.”

* Bad or missing mouse. Spank the cat? (Y/N)

*User Error: Replace user.

*Windows VirusScan 1.0 - “Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)”

*If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you
and all your future creations. Doesn’t it feel nice to have
security?

*Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles
have been deleted. The police are on the way.

Louis Pasteur

2008-11-25T05:13:00.000-08:00

Let me tell you the secret that has led me to my goal: my strength lies solely in my tenacity.

Why I no longer ride my bike

2008-11-20T00:43:00.000-08:00

Something to lighten up your day -) A smile a day brings Joy.

remember to drive carefully, abide to actual road signs, do not misinterpret them -) You can smile some more by clicking here

Karate Kick

2008-11-17T01:31:00.000-08:00

Just a funny karate pic...

The Real Karate Kid

2008-11-14T01:00:00.000-08:00

Julie-san, fighting not good. But if must fight... win.

World4blogs

2008-11-13T07:53:00.000-08:00

A special shout out to world4blogs for adding this site to their network

It is the best directory for blogs, have your personal blog added to their site for free. They are dedicated to helping you find the blog you are looking for and give you the chance to make new friends and gain MAXIMUM EXPOSURE. Checking them out is a MUST

Cute Karate Kid

2008-11-13T05:23:00.000-08:00

Aint he just the cutest..Now thats true power

“OW is not a karate word” “There are two rules to being successful in karate. Rule 1: never tell anyone everything you know”

Greatest Fighter

2008-11-12T01:04:00.000-08:00

The path of the righteous man and defender is beset on all sides by the iniquity of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper, and the father of lost children. And I will execute great vengeance upon them with furious anger, who poison and destroy my brothers; and they shall know that I am the greatest monkey fighter when I shall lay my vengeance upon them!

Bruce Lee

2008-11-10T07:24:00.000-08:00

When someone gives you a hard time...you give them the KARATE LOOK! :-)

Dating Dictionary

2008-11-05T02:52:00.000-08:00

DATING: The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don’t especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.
EASY: A term used to describe a woman who has the morals of a man.
EYE CONTACT: A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman’s eyes are not located in her chest.
FRIEND: A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.
INDIFFERENCE: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”
IRRITATING HABIT: What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.
NYMPHOMANIAC: A man’s term for a woman who wants to do it more often than he does.
SOBER: A condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.
ATTRACTION: The act of associating horniness with a particular person.
LOVE AT 1st SIGHT: What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.
LAW OF RELATIVITY: How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

2008-11-04T01:11:00.000-08:00

10) Cats’ facial expressions.
9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8) Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.
7) "Fat" , clothes.
6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.
4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3) Eyelash curlers.
2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
1) Other women

Yo Mama Poetry 10

2008-11-03T03:30:00.000-08:00

Roses are red, violets are blue, beasts like yo mama belong in a zoo.

Wana view some funny pictures?? just click on the link...

Check these out

Yo Mama Poetry 9

2008-11-03T03:27:00.000-08:00

Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo mama’s breath smells like five day old stew.

Yo Mama Poetry 8

2008-10-31T06:00:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, violets are grey, Yo mama’s so ugly, I don’t know what to say.

Yo Mama Poetry 7

2008-10-31T05:45:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo mama asked what’s stupid and poor, and I said you.

Yo Mama Poetry 6

2008-10-30T03:28:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, violets are blue, what Yo mama needs is a good shampoo.

Yo Mama Poetry 5

2008-10-30T03:27:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, violets are blue, Yo mama stinks, and so do you.

Yo Mama Poetry 4

2008-10-30T03:25:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, I’m at the door, Yo mama has a cup saying “Change for the poor.”

Yo Mama Poetry 3

2008-10-30T03:24:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, violets are gold, so get on your knees and do what you’re told!

Yo Mama Poetry 2

2008-10-29T06:00:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, Yo mama’s a witch, give her a quarter and she’ll be your bitch.

Yo Mama Poetry 1

2008-10-29T05:53:00.000-07:00

Roses are red, violets are black, why’s Yo mama’s chest, as flat as her back?

The Orcs

2008-10-28T07:52:00.000-07:00

also known as the HORDE

Sentinel Vs the Scourge (funky artwork)

2008-10-24T08:09:00.000-07:00

In dota there are 2 teams, sentinel and Scourge, with more than 40 heroes on each team. While Sentinel are the good guys, Scourge are the bad guys that are fighting for the Frozen Throne and have the undead race as their creeps and buildings.

Traxex - The Drow Ranger

2008-10-24T01:23:00.000-07:00

Traxex was a skilled archer in her oppressive underground homeland, the Underdark, until she grew sick of her kin's evil ways and fled to the surface world. As a part of her resolution, she joined the Sentinel, bringing her excellent marksmanship to the fray. Some of her abilities include stripping magical beings of their voices, enchanting her arrows with an icy cold, and the renowned ability to slay lesser foes with a single arrow. While such powers are valuable, her true origin will never cease to linger around in the judging eyes of others.

Pudge (The Butcher) Vs Sven (The Rogue Knight)

2008-10-23T06:52:00.000-07:00

An undead behemoth seemingly impervious to even the most potent magic, this starving abomination roams the battlefield, continually in search of unwary prey. It is said his victims catch only a glimpse of his monstrous frame as they are dragged them through the shadows, bleeding profusely as a jagged hook etches deeper in their flesh. Wails of agony echo in the distance, only to be drowned out by the Butcher's maniacal laughter as he severs their limp bodies with his great maw. Unspeakable horrors ensue in a deathly silence, a dreadful omen for what is to come

VS

A follower of the great God of Order, Paladine, Sven has sworn to uphold the rights of all. Born of a Knight and a Night Elf and ostracized since birth, Sven has lead a solitary existence of meditation and training. He has come out of his wanderings determined to guard the innocent against evil. Armed with his blessed cleaving blade Justice, and harnessing the power to strike down his enemies with the might of God's Strength, Sven's wrath toward the unjust is a sight to behold.

Windows

2008-10-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

Now thats a true GEEK

VISTA

2008-10-14T07:43:00.000-07:00

The TRUE meaning of windows vista...LOL

Broken Window

2008-10-14T07:41:00.000-07:00

The result of a virus...

RESET

2008-10-14T07:39:00.000-07:00

Thats just most Most funny!!

that means all true bubbies have reset buttons...LOL

Oh Shit

2008-10-14T07:36:00.000-07:00

I bet he had this key just in case he ever got caught by his mum watching porn...LOL

New Mouse

2008-10-14T07:35:00.000-07:00

A Mouse in mouse...

Tom and Microsoft

2008-10-14T07:33:00.000-07:00

Here KITTY KITTY KITTY....

Im inside & you outside

2008-10-14T07:30:00.000-07:00

I should totally stick this up on my door...LOL

DVD Chair

2008-10-14T07:28:00.000-07:00

Thats just a total waste of DVD's....but does kinda look cool

Press any key

2008-10-14T07:24:00.000-07:00

Aiyaaaa - This is called the confusion attack...-)

The Night Stalker - Balanar

2008-10-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

Beware, you who wonder the night. Each step you take leads you deeper in the hideous reign of the horrible ruler of the dark. Balanar, elite dreadlord who brought the total darkness of the Nether into this world, haunts these regions. Your heart will pump harder, your legs will shake, and your mind will cloud as the presence of the stalker hunts you in the dark. There's no chance to fight, no way to run, and no place to hide - darkness is everywhere! You can pray, you can cry, but the darkness won't be stopped - until you die.

The Bloodseeker

2008-10-13T08:49:00.000-07:00

An unusual hybrid of Demon and Orc, Strygwyr is an outcast amongst all mortal creatures. By thriving on and bathing himself with the blood of those he slays, Strygwyr can heal his wounds - even those that could prove fatal. Beware the fool who dares venturing alone, for Strygwyr can sense his blood miles away and gain vison through his helpless prey's eyes. Having ruptured the enemy with mighty blows in his bloodthirsty frenzies, Strygwyr corners his foe into making the impossible decision - bleed to death by trying to outrun the hasty demon, or be ripped to shreds in its awesome fury.

Naga Siren - Slithice

2008-10-13T08:34:00.000-07:00

Slithice was always a vagabond among the Naga, roaming beyond the boundaries of the sea in search of new things. During her adventures she met and fell in love with a young Orc training to be a Blademaster. Though he was inexperienced he taught her many Orcish fighting tactics employed by seasoned warriors. During their courtship as she was learning how to make traps from a local raider, a swarm of Scourge came and invaded, her love was killed before her very eyes. She used her Naga magics to put the evil to sleep and fled, and now gives her all to the Sentinel, in the name of her love.

The Enchantress - Aiushtha

2008-10-13T08:30:00.000-07:00

Although all Dryads are Cenarius' daughters, Aiushtha is said to be his first and favorite. Because of her direct relation to him, she has borrowed much of his powers. This is demonstrated by her control over the shy Wisps which she uses to heal her allies, and her ability to bring an opponent under the will of the Sentinel. Preferring ranged combat to melee, she fashioned a spear that strikes with more force the further her target is away. Her agility is unmatched, and any opponent attempting to kill her will find she skips ahead of them with surprising ease.

Defense of the Ancients

2008-10-13T08:26:00.001-07:00

This is the starting of my DOTA gallery, this is a Defense of the Ancients picture from Warcraft 3 - The Frozen Throne, starring Pudge, Sven & Drow Ranger...

Miss You (25)

2008-10-13T08:08:00.000-07:00

Missing someone?? everybody misses someone somewhere....here's a few MMS pics to remind them that they are in your thoughts :-) - Like they say...A PICTURE IS WORTH MORE THAN 1000 WORDZ

Cute MMS (25)

2008-10-10T07:34:00.000-07:00

CUTE! CUTE! CUTE!

Happy Birthday MMS (30)

2008-10-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

YO YO FUNdalanderz!!
Here some COOL Birthday MMS pics to send to your loved one's...

New Year MMS (24)

2008-10-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

Happy New Years...may your next year be PROSPEROUS!!

Happy New Years...may your next year be PROSPEROUS!!

Christmas MMS (25)

2008-10-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas to all...!!

The Drow Ranger

2008-10-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

Traxex was a skilled archer in her oppressive underground homeland, the Underdark, until she grew sick of her kin's evil ways and fled to the surface world. She joined the Sentinel for greater good, and though still somewhat distrusted for her origins, she has proven herself time after time. She is an excellent huntress, debilitating her foes with her arrows and disabling spellcasters.

The Faceless Void

2008-10-02T08:12:00.000-07:00

They say Dark Terror was once human, but his background is shrouded in darkness, even to himself. What we know is that he was thrown into the Void between worlds and has emerged with the power of manipulating time. He can freeze his enemies in time and avoid hits by traveling a split-second back in time, right before receiving the blow. He can briefly rip apart the fabric of space-time to freeze both allies and opponents around him, yet remain free himself to act. It is rumored that he can instantly strike any man in a legion of soldiers, but nobody sees him move...

The Slayer

2008-10-02T08:06:00.000-07:00

Lina Inverse is a powerful sorceress who is famous for killing bandits (to take their loot) and slaying dragons (accidentally destroying the occasional city in the process). She is quite adept at shooting fireballs at her enemies, and has also mastered more powerful spells like the Dragon Slave and the Laguna Blade. Concerned primarily with acquiring gold and powerful weapons, Lina fights for the Sentinel in exchange for a huge promised reward should she help destroy the Frozen Throne.

The Night Stalker

2008-10-02T08:03:00.000-07:00

The Bristleback

2008-10-02T07:51:00.000-07:00

The quillboars were never interested in the affairs and wars of other races, but one knew that the Scourge would eventually descend on their lands if left unchecked. Entering the ranks of the Sentinel for the sole reason of the preservation of his tribe, Rigwarl brings primal instincts to the never ending battle. Each time he releases a flurry of quills or a glob of slime, he works himself into a frenzy that increases his effectiveness drastically, and should he be in danger, his bristle back would shield him from further harm. A perfect demonstration of the abilities that even lesser beings can unleash.

The Crystal Maiden

2008-10-02T07:44:00.000-07:00

Adept in the manipulation of frost and ice, Rylai is the very image of elegeance and grace. Trained by a renegade wizard deep in the heart of Winterspring, Rylai brings to the Sentinel her prowess in the arts of magic. With a vast arsenal of spells, she wreaks havoc upon her foes - be it with powerful blasts of frost to send them fleeing in panic, or be it by rendering them immobile in ice. Her foes tremble in fear as the ground beneath implodes in mighty novas of frost in a dazzling array, obliterating all who dare oppose her.

The Juggernaut

2008-10-02T07:41:00.000-07:00

Slicing through armor with the greatest of ease. Whirling, dancing like a dervish, swiping foes with a flick of the wrist. Poetry in motion, slashing enemy upon enemy in the blink of an eye. Yurnero seeks perfection. Seeks to become one with his blade. All to fulfill his destiny as the unstoppable Juggernaut.

The Undead

2008-10-02T07:40:00.000-07:00

Potently Drawn....:-)

The Prophet

2008-10-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

The land is never safe. Furion, therefore, never rests. The leader of all Night Elves, Furion tirelessly works to protect the sanctity of his woods. It comes as no surprise that he who helped defeat Archimonde would be called upon once more in the Sentinel's hour of need. The fury of nature is at his disposal, the trees come to life at his command, the wind carries him to lands far away, and nature itself strikes all who defy his will. He is more than just a Keeper or a Prophet, he is a savior.

Rogue Knight

2008-10-02T07:35:00.000-07:00

A follower of the great God of Order, Paladine, Sven has sworn to uphold the rights of all. Born of a Knight and a Night Elf and ostracized since birth, Sven has lead a solitary existence of meditation and training. He has come out of his wanderings determined to guard the innocent against evil. Armed with his blessed cleaving blade Justice, and harnessing the power to strike down his enemies with the might of God's Strength, Sven's wrath toward the unjust is a sight to behold.

Fun SMS (19)

2008-10-02T03:47:00.000-07:00

HERE...... USE THESE TO IRRITATE SOMEONE THAT YOU FIND ANNOYING....

Can u pronounce good english:- read along woof,
roof, loof, shoof, shoof, woof, loof, roof,
poof, woof woof, hoof, woof, roof, shoof.
Test results: U r a good dog. Now stop barking.

If ever in your life U R very sad & lonely
& feel that U have lost every thing,
I will come, Hold your hand,
take U 4 Walk on a Bridge & Show U where 2 jump From

The rain makes all things beautiful …
The grass & flowers 2 …
If rain makes all things beautiful
why doesn’t it rain on you?

Sweet candies are nice to eat …
Sweet words are easy to say …
but, sweet ppl are hard to find …
OH MY GOD! how did u find me?

The more I learn the more I get to know,
the more I know the more I forget,
the more I forget the less I know,
so why should I be learning??

The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come.. But The meeting hasn’t started. Guess why ? Because the Donkey is busy reading this SMS!

To be a "Good professional", always start to study late for "Exams". Because it teaches how to manage "Time" and tackle "Emergencies"!

Girl: when we get married, i want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. boy: it's very kind of you, darling, but i don't have any worries or troubles. girl: well that is because we aren't married yet

Girl : Mom, i m in love with a guy.. Mom shocked : How old is the boy & what is he doing Girl : 3 month & kicking happily in my stomach..

This cat, is cat, a cat, good cat, way cat, to cat, keep cat, an cat, idiot cat, busy cat, for cat,20 cat, seconds cat !… Now read it without the word cat.

Newtons Law of Romance LOVE CAN NEITHER BE CREATED NOR BE DESTROYED, IT CAN ONLY BE CHANGED FROM ONE GIRL FRIEND TO ANOTHER.

Why do U think I SMS u ?
Is it because I care ? Or I miss u ?
Or I love u ? Or I need You ? No ! It’s b’coz…
Time passes while I do nothing

Ur smile can be compared with Flowers,
Ur voice can b compared with a cuckoo,
Ur innocence can b compared with a baby,
but in foolishness You have got no comparisons

Someday u may lose ur hair ..
u may lose ur teeth- ur money & even lose ur mind ..
But 1 thing u will never loose is ur good looks ..
coz u cant lose wot u don’t have!

When u feel sad …
To cheer up just go to the mirror and say …
“damn I am really so cute” u will overcome your sadness …
But don’t make this a habit .. Coz liars go to hell !!!!

When i open my eyes every morning i pray to God
that everyone should have a friend like you…
Why should only i suffer!

Today, tommorow and yesterday there will be …
one heart that would always beat for you …
You know Whose??? … your Own Stupid!!!

Life without u is impossible,
u r in my breath and blood.
i cant stay for a second without u,
if u r not there i am dead
oye hello i am talking about OXYGEN

Sometime my mind asks why I miss you?
Why I care for you?
Why I remember you?
Then my heart answers its simply because mental patient needs more care We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

Going To Bed...

2008-09-30T04:28:00.000-07:00

I Wonder if its true....me and my future wife better train to avoid the last 1....LoL

Thanks hun...youre a SPORT

2008-09-30T04:27:00.000-07:00

hahahahahahahahahahaha.......Its SO disgusting that its actually FUNNY

Vin 95 Unleaded

2008-09-30T04:24:00.000-07:00

Worried about petrol increases??
Why when you got Vin Petrol...
Huh uh..you know...me and my flow jokez

EYE SPY

2008-09-30T04:22:00.000-07:00

TRICK Question:
Which one do you think is the SPY??

Smint

2008-09-30T04:19:00.000-07:00

I really use to use this in my undercover days..LOL
So YES kids, it really REALLY works

SABC 3

2008-09-30T04:18:00.000-07:00

Wies jou laanie...??? jy wiet mos:-)

Right Guard

2008-09-30T04:15:00.000-07:00

A simple & Cheap solution for all you BATH HATERS, for more info contact me on 0800 you klank
hahahahahah...

Ag Shame

2008-09-30T04:14:00.000-07:00

Lmimc....Datz just not cool...not at all...

Michael Weed Jordan

2008-09-30T04:12:00.000-07:00

Just another funny piece of art....
Absolutely Brilliant....

FUKITOL

2008-09-30T04:08:00.000-07:00

Hope that I never need to take these...LoL

Eid MMS (27)

2008-09-30T03:31:00.000-07:00

Eid Mubarak to all...

Kiss MMS (25)

2008-09-29T08:17:00.001-07:00